The Religion for All

whether they realise it or not

Home

The Ten Commandments

Raymond likes

Raymond dislikes

Rituals

Your new title

Your mail

Your real mail

Other sites

Contact Raymond

Your Real Mail

Not only has the amount of mail Raymond has received been truly astonishing but Raymond has been touched and fondled by the fact that all of it, without fail, is overwhelmingly supportive! This superlative mail falls into three categories:

• Abusive letters of support
• Profiteering letters of support
• Letters of support about which animals are great (or not)

Some examples are shown below.

Abusive letters of support

Pope Tyrannosaurus Nixon Rex writes:

Now, see here.

Nobody tells us what to do! Least of all us. For lo these thousands of years, The Church of Nixon have bided our time, pulling levers and puppet strings in the shadows, amassing incalculable power and influence, awaiting the Day Foretold, when we would force a trembling world to its knees to face the Bowel-Loosening Might of the Great and Terrible One True Nixon!

So, having invested this much time and effort, we'll be DAMNED if, on the very eve of triumph, all our carefully-alid plans are upstaged because people begin flocking to this Raymond fellow! So piss off.

But perhaps you aren't impressed by words, eh? Maybe a sample of our power would be more appropos? Very well. Did your reading lamp just flicker? WE did that. With our Minds.

Raymond replies:

Dear Mr Pope,

Raymond can't express the happiness brought about by your gushing offers of support, cunningly worded as they may be. How did you know that pissing off is so close to the Raymondic heart? Raymond is also particularly interested in how you achieved world domination by pulling levers, owning puppets and switching lamps off, as Raymond feels it would make a good conversational opener at the next dinner party with Buddha and the Stalins.

boomshanka,

Mazbaxlet the Hoop-Shaped

Profiteering letters of support

Ian Green writes:

Everyone has their different views on their particular faiths and,whether they be right or wrong, that is democracy.

I wish to bring to your attention a product that is not only beneficial to the health of the members that you have in your congregation but also a revenue raisng business that may greatly assist your financial needs of your church and proceeds which then can be directed to the needy,as to which you may determine.

For further information,please visit my website

[link to purported health product]

or reply to my e-mail address

[email address removed]

Am looking forward to hearing from you.
sincerest regards
Ian

Raymond replies:

Hello Ian Green,

Raymond thanks you for your selfless email of support. You have correctly identified that profiting from the desperation of the gullible and ill-informed is one of the cornerstones of both religion and business. If it wasn't for the fact that Raymond already owns everything Raymond would have well and truly jumped on that bandwagon with you.

Also, regarding the highly personalised line

"Everyone has their different views on their particular faiths and,whether they be right or wrong, that is democracy."

'democracy' is generally defined as 'government by the people, exercised either directly or through elected representatives'. Just thought you'd like to know. But Raymond likes the idea that everyone has different views on their own faiths. It is an idea that is charmingly confused, baseless, and unhelpful. In other words, it captures the Raymondic essence well. Congratulations.

yours,

Raymond

Letters of support about which animals are great (or not)

emma writes:

you forgot the pachyderms and camels on your like list :D love the website
*bows to the almighty raymond*

furthermore, Kyle M. Terrizzi writes:

I think anyone who speaks against dogs is certainly of a questionable spiritual nature. Cats are certainly the tools of the devil, but dogs (only after things that go beep) are most definately glorious.

Raymond replies to both:

Of course! What was Raymond thinking? For one so all-powerful and omnipresent Raymond feels right sheepish for having missed that. The error has of course been corrected.